Your Child Doesn't Need Privacy!

Privacy? Teens need privacy. You jest, right? Didn't you just post a close-up of your lunch sandwich, pop pimples in 3D, dance some new version of the Floss on TikTok, and tell the world about your hemorrhoids--all the time while obsessing over "likes" and "shares." Privacy is a parenting copout. We live in a society where our social security numbers are tossed around the Dark Web and a quick query on Google Maps will show every turn you made on your morning walk. Teens are even more obsessed! They have texting conversations with the person sitting beside them and strive for Internet notoriety. Isn't it interesting that they only want privacy from you, their parents! You should be wondering why.

In our sexualized, media-saturated world, that cell phone is a loaded machine gun, assaulting an entire generation of children with the full knowledge and approval of clueless parents. How ironic! In the name of child safety, we won't send our children to the bus stop without our direct supervision, but we allow them to talk to sex-traffickers in the privacy of their own bedrooms. We demand that kids carry their phones to school so we parents can text them during lunch, but we don't intervene when they are threatening classmates in private chat rooms? We give teens full access to explicit, violent pornography and are surprised when they send naked pictures to their friends on Snapchat. If your child is making good choices, they shouldn't care if you monitor their posts on social media. Right?

It is time to get the facts straight:

• 48% of 11-16 year olds reported seeing pornography online and 7% had shared a naked or semi-naked image of themselves online.
• 11 is the average age for a child to first view Internet pornography.
• 1 in 5 teenagers received a sexual solicitation online
• 55% of minors survivors of sex-trafficking met their traffickers through text or online.
• According to Elizabeth Englander, Professor of Psychology at Bridgewater State University, "giving a young child a phone increases the likelihood that the child will either become a victim of bullying or bully themselves." 
• Teens who use smartphones for at least 5 hours a day are 70% more likely to have suicidal thoughts than those with one hour of smartphone usage.
• The largest group of Internet porn consumers is children ages 12-17.
• 65% of 8-14 year olds have been involved in a cyber-bullying incident. 
• 59% of teens reported being bullied online.

Your children are not trustworthy! Research shows that the rational part of a teen's brain isn't fully developed until age 25. Until that time, your child is processing information with the emotional part of their brain (amygdala).  However, the rational part (prefrontal cortex) that allows them to process long-term consequences is not fully functional. That's why you see teens trying to ride their skateboards off of the roof or challenging their friends to eat Tide Pods. All of the talking in the world is not going to make that brain suddenly mature, so your child needs for you to be the adult. The parent. The voice of wisdom and sense. They need for you to give them healthy limits.

So, here is how this conversation with your teen should go...
No, you can't talk to strangers who are grooming you for the sex-trade. No, you can't videotape yourself dancing behind a towel in the shower. No, you can't send naked photos to your classmates. No, you can't bully classmates, videotape their mistakes, and humiliate them for your personal social gain. No, your days cannot be filled only with Youtube videos and texting, and I will not lie so that you can get social media accounts that are restricted to 13 years and older. No, I love you too much to allow you to waste your childhood being passively entertained. The phone belongs to me and I will limit the time you spend on it for your health and well-being. No, I don't care what your friends or their parents do because you are my responsibility and I love you.  I want you to read, play outside, learn to handle boredom, do chores, and have face-to-face interactions. To ensure that, I will be watching everything you do, every site you visit, and everything you post until you are a fully-mature adult. I'm giving you back your childhood, because it is my job to be a parent. And parents set boundaries to protect their children.



http://trailheadcounseling.com/teen-porn-addiction/
https://time.com/5555737/smartphone-mental-health-teens/

Is This Work Required? The Answer You Need

Teachers are used to these questions from students: Are you going to take a grade? Is this required? Do I have to turn this in? But this virus, COVID-19, has altered the context and the discussion. Facebook is lit up with questions about whether students have to finish packets, complete all of the online assignments, and pick up textbooks or devices from school. The age-old questions still exist. So here, once and for all, are the answers that you and your children need.

Learning isn't optional! Let me repeat myself--since teachers never say things just one time. Learning isn't optional! I value the pursuit of knowledge for myself and my students, so this question grates like fingernails on a chalkboard when I hear it. It is the squealing sound of the disintegration of our society. Instead of education being an avenue for advancement and respect we have shifted the mores. Culturally in the US, education is to be avoided, the teaching profession is undesirable, and schoolwork is an intrusion on our free time activities. But this is a relatively new viewpoint that is not shared worldwide.

For instance, in underdeveloped countries, the pursuit of an education is the thwarted desire of children, especially women. Think about Malala. She was willing to risk her life for the right to go to school. Today, two-thirds of girls in South Sudan do not get to attend primary school. In Guinea, the average time a woman spends in formal education is less than 1 year. And girls have not been the only victions. During the Antebellum Period in the US, it was illegal for slaves to learn to read and write. Why? Because with knowledge comes communication, creativity, and control over the trajectory of life. Francis Bacon was right when he said that "knowledge is power."

So, parents, let's think about the way we discuss education and the questions we are asking in front of our impressionable children. You have the opportunity to change the conversation and the attitudes of those precious youth who are out of school. Here are a few responses to get you started:

1. Do I have to read a book today? Yes, in our family we read every day because there is so much to learn.
2. Why don't they just cancel school? Sweetie, in the US, we are so blessed to have teachers, schools, and the freedom to pursue an education. Don't ever take that for granted.
3. Do I have to complete this assignment? Yes, learning everyday is required.

And perhaps during this school shut down, we will all be able to reflect on what we had and took for granted--the right to a free, public education. School may not be in session, but learning isn't optional!

Coughlan, Sean. “10 Toughest Places for Girls to Go to School.” BBC News, BBC, 11 Oct. 2017, www.bbc.com/news/business-41558486.